Practical tips, advice and hope for those who live alone
By Gwenn Voelckers
If there is one essential ingredient to living alone with success — for myself and for those living alone after a divorce or the loss of a spouse-partner — it is this: believing you still matter and can make a difference.
It’s easy to think that door has closed. I get it -— the feeling that surfaces with loss, retirement, an empty nest and health challenges, that our time to make a difference has passed.
But I have come to believe quite the opposite.
On our own, as independent women and men, we are uniquely available to show up for what we believe in.
I was reminded of this recently in an unexpected place: a Broadway theater.
I went to see “Suffs”
My friend Martha saw the musical here in Rochester and sent me this impassioned text: “RUN to see this show! It’s FABULOUS!”
Unfortunately, I was too late. The show had left town for its next tour stop in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. So I hopped in the car and made my way to the Steel City. I’m so glad I made that spontaneous decision!
For those who haven’t seen it, “Suffs” is the musical by Shaina Taub that tells the story of the courageous women who fought tirelessly for the right to vote.
From the program notes: “It follows Alice Paul and her sister suffragists — young, idealistic, often exhausted and at odds with each other — as they picket the White House, endure hunger strikes in prison, and refuse to give up despite years of defeat. These were not famous women when they started. They were ordinary women who decided to keep going.”
The musical ends on a powerful song called “Keep Marching.”
The lyrics are simple and memorable, reminding us all that our work is unfinished, that progress is never in a straight line and that the answer, the only answer, is to keep marching.
I walked out of the theater energized, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since.
I marvel at the suffragists, and of all the activists who came before us, who fought for rights we now take for granted — rights that, in some cases, have taken a hit in recent years.
The women marched when it was unpopular. They spoke up when it would have been easier to stay home. They didn’t know if they would win in their own lifetimes. They marched anyway.
With the midterm elections around the corner, I feel, as many do, that our country is hopelessly divided. And one can’t help but feel overwhelmed, especially when you watch the news alone in your own living room. The temptation to just step away is understandable.
But “Suffs” left me with a different feeling: motivated.
Our time is not up.
Living alone doesn’t mean living in isolation or apart from the world. In fact, it may mean we have more to give. We have experience. We have perspective. We have time. We know what it means to survive something hard and still get up in the morning to embrace the day.
We know how to keep going!
So what does “keep marching” mean for us now, at 65, 71 or 80?
Of course, it will look different for each of us, and that’s the point. It is not about a particular party or candidate. It is about participation. It is about showing up for our neighbors, our communities and our democracy in ways that fit who we are.
It might mean:
• Literally marching — attending a gathering that reflects your values.
• Making sure you are registered to vote and offering to help a neighbor or grandchild do the same.
• Taking the time to learn about candidates.
• Joining “postcard parties,” to get out the vote.
• Donating to causes or candidates you believe in.
• Displaying yard signs.
• Going door-to-door for a candidate you support.
• Voting!
Living alone successfully is not about waiting for someone else to give your life purpose. It is about continuing to choose purpose every day
I cherish my solo life. And I, for one, intend to keep marching: for the things I believe in, for the people I treasure and for this country I love.
I’ve been listening to “Suffs” soundtrack on Spotify. The suffragists were in their 20s. I am in my 70s. Sadly, the distance between us feels very small. Their fight — and now ours — feels unfortunately too familiar.
Whatever our age, whatever our circumstances, whatever our political views, perhaps the most important thing we can do is continue to show up for what matters.
So let’s keep marching!
Gwenn Voelckers is a certified life coach (CLC), columnist and author of “Alone and Content,” a collection of inspiring essays for those who live alone. She welcomes your comments, questions, and inquiries at gvoelckers@rochester.rr.com