Practical tips, advice and hope for those who live alone
By Gwenn Voelckers
It was totally unexpected.
I was in my 30s, married and working in the demanding field of nursing home administration when my life — my world — turned upside down.
I got divorced.
There were no children, but the split was still deeply painful. The dreams I had of building a future and family with my husband had suddenly vanished.
Everywhere I looked, it seemed like everyone else was getting married, having babies and living out the life I had imagined for myself. Meanwhile, I was alone and struggling to find my footing.
My divorce felt like a very public failure. I retreated into myself, hiding in my work, my apartment, and — worst of all — hiding from my own pain. I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I didn’t process the loss.
My world grew small and quiet, and my self-esteem plummeted.
It was my mother who noticed. She saw that I was withdrawing, shrinking from the world. One day, with loving but firm conviction, she said, “Gwenn, stop waiting for Mr. Right to come to the rescue. Go create a wonderful life on your own.”
Her words broke through my lethargy. I was ready.
That was the moment I started saying yes to life again. I rebuilt my social circle, focused on my health and fitness and began doing things that brought me joy. I explored hobbies, traveled and invested in my emotional well-being with the help of a therapist.
Slowly but surely, I reclaimed my sense of self. And my life.
Fast forward 20 years: As I approached my 50th birthday, I was living life to the fullest. I owned my own home, had a supportive network of friends and family and was flourishing at work — proudly earning my nursing home administrator license. I traveled solo with confidence and immersed myself in rediscovered loves — gardening, music, reading and fitness.
Following my mother’s advice paid off and over time, I created a wonderful, independent life for myself. I felt whole, complete and immensely grateful.
With that gratitude came a strong desire to give back. I wanted to help others who were where I had once been — lost, alone and unsure of how to begin again.
But how could I channel that desire into something meaningful?
That’s when I hired a certified life coach.
I was familiar with therapy, which had helped me in the past, but this was different. While therapy often focuses on healing from past wounds, a life coach helps you clarify your goals, discover your strengths, and create a vision for your future.
A Journey of Self-Discovery
Coaching is forward-focused and action-oriented. It was exactly the kind of help I wanted.
Together, my life coach and I began a journey of discovery. Through a series of probing questions, reflection exercises and honest conversations, I began to uncover my path. Early on, we explored a few directions, but none seemed to spark any real excitement.
Then she asked, “What are you good at? What are you proud of?”
Without missing a beat, I said, “I’m really good at living alone.”
Her eyes lit up. “Tell me more.”
As I described how I had built a full, rich, independent life, I could feel something shift. I came alive. My life coach noticed it, too. We realized that my lived experience — the confidence and contentment I had cultivated over the years — could serve as a guidepost for others.
That was the spark we had been looking for.I began my new journey by writing this monthly column for In Good Health about the realities and joys of living alone. I share stories, tips and encouragement for readers navigating life on their own.
From there, I developed a curriculum for a three-part “Alone and Content” workshop designed to help women in mid-life rediscover themselves after divorce or the death of a spouse.
I hosted the workshops in my home — a deliberate choice. I wanted to show women what a joyful, empowered life alone could look like. The response was powerful. Women opened up. They connected. They began to see new possibilities for their own lives.
Then COVID-19 hit and, like so many others, I had to change direction. I took that time to reflect and reimagine. I knew I wanted to continue doing this good work, to keep helping women navigate the challenges of building a life on their own . . . but what?
The Path Forward Became Clear
So, I did something big: I became a certified life coach myself.
At 70, becoming a life coach felt like coming full circle. I have walked the path, learned the lessons and now I am ready and officially certified to help others chart their own course.
My focus will be on supporting divorced or widowed women who are seeking to rebuild their lives on their own terms.
As a certified life coach, I help women identify their personal goals and take meaningful steps forward through a four-week jump-start coaching program.
Together, we’ll identify what matters most to you and set clear, achievable goals in one or more of these areas:
• Reconnecting with your inner strength and identity
• Making changes that reflect your desires — not others’ expectations
• Cultivating joy and fulfillment in everyday life
• Pursuing long-postponed dreams or interests
• Learning how to feel at home in your own company
• Creating meaningful connections and a sense of community
My own story is proof that it is not only possible to survive after loss — it is possible to thrive. I’ve known loneliness and uncertainty, and I’ve also come to know what it feels like to come out the other side — stronger, wiser, and whole.
There is a way forward, and you have the power to create a life that feels authentic, fulfilling, and uniquely your own.
Working with a life coach changed my life. Now, it’s my turn to help others change theirs.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If my story speaks to you and you’re curious about how life coaching might help you create your next chapter, I’d love to hear from you. Just send me an email introducing yourself, and we’ll take it from there.
I’ll follow up with a brief telephone conversation to ensure we’re a good fit and to help clarify your goals.
On your mark, get set, JUMP!
Gwenn Voelckers is a certified life coach, columnist and author of “Alone and Content,” a collection of inspiring essays for those who live alone. She welcomes your comments, questions, and inquiries at gvoelckers@rochester.rr.com