Practical tips, advice and hope for those who live alone
By Gwenn Voelckers
When I first found myself living alone in midlife, I didn’t exactly embrace it with open arms.
Like so many women and men who find themselves suddenly solo after a divorce or the loss of a spouse, I was more focused on what I had lost than what I might gain.
Initially, I worried about everything from how to make decisions on my own to who would change the ceiling lightbulb.
And I was filled with unwelcome fears: Would I be lonely? Lose my identity? Be financially OK? Able to socialize on my own?
It was overwhelming and emotionally draining.
But then, over time, things began to shift. I began to experience moments of joy. And I found myself appreciating the freedom of solo living, even laughing at the quirks of my new reality.
I discovered that living alone isn’t just a life you endure or adjust to. It can be a life you enjoy. It can be freeing and empowering. And funny!
Living alone, it turns out, has a lighter side — small, silly, delightful things you get to do when there’s no one else around to weigh in, second guess your choices or rain on your parade.
So, in the spirit of celebrating that lighter side, I’ve put together a list of some unexpected perks of solo living that might bring a smile to your face.
Things You Can Do When No One’s Watching
• Eat dinner out of the take-out container at the kitchen sink.
No prep, no table setting, no judgment — just recycling.
• Turn up the volume and shake your booty to “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.
Until you whack your knee on the coffee table and hobble to bed.
• Run the car air conditioner with the windows rolled down.
Throw caution to the wind, because you love the chill and the thrill.
• Fold your laundry in the buff or your skivvies.
A hot flash made me do it!
• And speaking of laundry … get dressed straight from the pile on your bedroom floor.
It’s called “efficiency.”
• Have full-blown conversations with your own reflection in the bathroom mirror.
What better way to scream at your ex or former boss?!
• Leave your snacks in full sight — your Reese’s Cups, Pringles, Ding Dongs, Pop-Tarts and Hostess Cup Cakes.
No shame. Just nostalgia, loaded with sugar, sodium, unhealthy fats and empty calories.
• Re-read old love letters or journal entries while sipping from a mug of wine.
And laughing at how far you’ve come!
Shameless Streaming, Scrolling and Shopping … in Solitude
• You scrolled through Pinterest for two hours.
Came away with 95 pins: 9 DIY tutorials, 12 garden designs, 18 quiche recipes, and 56 anti-aging tips.
• Watched so many episodes of The Great British Baking Show, you now speak with an English accent.
And, you attempted a “showstopper” recipe … never.
• Tried to put yourself to sleep with a guided meditation app.
Got distracted by a notification from Etsy and stayed up past midnight shopping for earrings.
• Spent 20 minutes searching for a new series on Netflix.
Watched a trailer. Another trailer. Then ended up just watching “Ted Lasso” again.
• Ordered two tops on Amazon. Realized one was already in your closet. Kept both. And ordered matching sandals.
• Watched YouTube tutorials on how to prune peonies, clean out the S-trap under your sink, and cut your own hair (maybe not …).
You’ve become a living-alone professional!
• Binge-shopped on Zappos.
After searching for hours, you ordered the first pair you admired (in three sizes!), because that’s what you do.
• Fell down a rabbit hole on Zillow.
Only to be reminded of how much you love your own place. It’s yours, all yours. And so YOU.
Evening Rituals of the Happily Independent
• Pajamas at 6 p.m.
Or anytime, for that matter. Might as well complete the ensemble with your old, faded bathrobe with the tattered sleeves.
• Enjoying a glass of wine while heating up store-bought soup on the stovetop.
Fine dining meets laziness!
• Remembering to take the trash out on the right day.
Maybe wait until nightfall if you’ve switched into those PJs and don’t want to be seen by the neighbors.
• Sinking into a comfy couch with no interruptions.
No one needs anything. Except you. Maybe popcorn.
• Watching your favorite guilty pleasure TV show.
For me, re-runs of “Seinfeld” diminish the onslaught of dismal news.
• Talking and snuggling with your dog or cat before bedtime.
Because, honestly, they get you – and they’re great listeners.
• Reading in bed without getting the stink eye from anyone.
One more chapter. Just one. Maybe two.
• Saying goodnight out loud to no one.
And smiling because you like your own company.
Living alone doesn’t have to be all solemn self-discovery and serious reinvention. Sometimes, it’s just you, a bowl of popcorn the size of your head, and “The Golden Bachelor.”
It’s freedom. It’s peace. It’s dancing like nobody’s watching — because literally, nobody is.
You’re not just surviving solo life — you’re making it your own. And here’s the thing: once you find your footing — and you will — you’ll start to notice the private joys that come with this new chapter of your life.
You’ll learn that the serious stuff can coexist with the silly.
So, lighten up! Living alone has its perks – and you deserve to enjoy every single one of them.
Gwenn Voelckers is a certified life coach (CLC), columnist, and author of “Alone and Content,” a collection of inspiring essays for those who live alone. She welcomes your comments, questions, and inquiries at gvoelckers@rochester.rr.com.