By Gwenn Voelckers
In William Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar,” a fortune teller warns Caesar to “beware the ides of March.” That immortal phrase portends gloom and doom, and has given this month a bad rap.
Sure, March can be cold, gray and damp. But it doesn’t need rain on your parade.
If the month of March is stretching out in front of you as a dreary void to fill, you are not alone. For many, our winter wonderland is not so wonderful during this unpredictable time of year.
That’s when anxiety can make an unwelcome visit. You might feel yourself spiraling down, questioning the past, and second-guessing your decisions. And that’s when you could be tempted to grab the TV remote and head to the couch.
I can remember many nights after my divorce, coming home after work to an empty apartment with hours on my hands and a heavy heart. The prospect of a long, lonely evening ahead was almost unbearable.
After too many nights watching mind-numbing reruns, I had finally had enough and started making better use of my “me time.” I am now much more comfortable spending time by myself and have come to enjoy my own company.
In fact, it’s not unusual for me to pass on an invitation out, in favor of spending a nice quiet evening at home — relaxing or fully engaged in something I love to do.
If you are challenged by time alone this time of year, consider the suggestions below. You might even clip this column and post it on your refrigerator as a handy reminder.
Read
When’s the last time you read a good book?
In our busy lives and with so many electronic options vying for our attention, reading can fall by the wayside. It’s such a shame. Reading for enjoyment and enlightenment can turn a lonely evening into a lovely one.
Don’t know where to start? Ask a friend for a suggestion or select a “New York Times” bestseller. Snuggle up in a comfy place, and let a good book introduce you to new people, new places and new ideas. We rarely feel alone when reading.
If you haven’t read “Lessons in Chemistry” by Bonnie Garmus, I highly recommend it.
Write
Marcel Proust wrote, “We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full.” I’ve found that to be so true.
Writing has been, and always will be, a helpful tool on my journey to create a fulfilling life on my own. Chronicling my emotional ups and downs, the steps I’ve taken to improve my life, and the progress I’ve made has helped to strengthen my resolve and self-confidence.
If you’ve never kept a journal, why not give it a try this month?
Make it a practice to make a journal entry at least daily. For me, the best times are first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Keep it short and simple to start.
Write about your day, your feelings and fears, your observations, your successes and setbacks, and — most importantly — your aspirations for the future.
You may discover, as I have, how powerful and therapeutic the act of capturing your thoughts in writing can be. Numerous studies have found that journaling can increase emotional well-being, reduce stress, and even result in a better night’s sleep.
As you work through some of the issues associated with living alone, and you become more content, you may find that reading and rereading your journal entries can be a great way to see how much progress you are making.
I guarantee you’ll find it fascinating reading a year from now!
Clear Out The Clutter
I know this might sound uninspiring, but clearing out the clutter can be very satisfying and a great way to spend a few hours alone.
Recently, I spent an evening sorting out my closet and filling two bags for a local refugee resettlement program. It was very satisfying. I not only lightened my load, I did something for a good cause.
As a result, I felt part of something bigger than myself and less alone.
Pursue a passion
This can be daunting, especially if you’ve yet to identify a passion, but hang in there.
Many women and men in long-term relationships often lose sight of their own interests in favor of attending to the needs of others. The pursuit of your own passions or personal pursuits can be lost in the process.
Now is a good time to rediscover your “loves” and to dedicate your time alone to those pursuits. Do some digging and identify the things you loved as a child or young adult, then make a conscious decision to revisit those things now.
I did some digging years ago and discovered that digging, in fact, was a passion of mine: digging in the garden, that is! I now enjoy bountiful flower and vegetable gardens, and use the month of March to plan what I want to grow and prepare for the planting season.
When you’re engaged in an activity you’re passionate about, you may experience a state of “flow,” where you are fully immersed in the task at hand and lose track of time. I know that happens to me. And it can happen to you, too.
Start digging and uncover your passion this month!
Reach Out
With time on your hands, you are in a great position to reach out and make connections with others, including long-lost friends. This can be a very meaningful way to spend an evening.
Just yesterday, I received an email from a former colleague. I was very touched, and accepted her kind invitation to get together.
So, I encourage you to reach out to someone you haven’t seen in a while. Extend an invitation to get together and, chances are you’ll be rewarded with a warm reunion.
“Veg out”
That’s right, veg out. Grab the TV remote, a pint of ice cream, and head for the couch. Do it without guilt, give yourself a break, and remember you’re only human.
Everyone is entitled to an occasional night when they just hang out, do nothing, and eat junk food. Indulge yourself and tell yourself you deserve it.
Wake up the next morning — free of remorse — and ready to take on the day: alone at home and “at home” with yourself, even in the Ides of March.
Gwenn Voelckers is the author of “Alone and Content: Inspiring, empowering essays to help divorced and widowed women feel whole and complete on their own.” She welcomes your thoughts on this column as well as topic suggestion for future essays at gvoelckers@rochester.rr.com.